I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
You were trust falling into bushes
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
