I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
