I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
