she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
