me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
