Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
