he referred to my room as the tit cave...
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
