i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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