When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
