Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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