he wants to bone in the snuggie
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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