i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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