I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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