He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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