is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize