just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
