Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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