So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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