I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
