Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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