You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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