My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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