If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
