I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
