I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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