I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
