dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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