whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
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He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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