I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
