Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
