My first STD was from a foam party
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
