Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
