Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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