Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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