My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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