Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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