i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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