You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize