Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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