Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
