i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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