Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
