i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
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