i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
