i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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