So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
