Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
