Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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