i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
