He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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