i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
