So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
