fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
