I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
is that a dick in a sweater?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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