I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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