I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
