Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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