whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
okay pat passed out under dana's car
this beer tastes like vomit already
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
