Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
