ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
