Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
