Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize