We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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