The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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