I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
