I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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