Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She bit a glass in half.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
