Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
