I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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