I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
