I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
