Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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