We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
