My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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