this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
