I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
